Since some emotional upheavals in 2023–like you know, rage, I’ve come to really slow down and take stock of my inner world.

I had some grand plans in 2024 that didn’t quite go into (obvious) effect until early this year.

In 2023 to 2024, I was running on external fuel. I was all over the place juggling working in a newsroom, finishing journalism school, and being an ever-present figure in my friends’ lives. That burnt me out and by 2025, I was completely resentful. I was out of capacity. I focused on rebuilding my finances and my energy. That meant creating standing plans for myself.

Before that, I would easily make myself available for people. When plans fell through and people cancelled, I would be left with disappointment and nothing to do. How could plans made ahead of time be cancelled for something else? I was frustrated because even planned video calls would get cancelled because a friend was still out with other friends and another friend was doing something else while I made sure that I was home and ready by 8 in the evening.

I had prioritized others but I wasn’t quite at the top of their list. Look, I get it. People prize their romantic relationships and family life whilst friendships are more so something they have in the background. But I had put friendships in the foreground of my life while forgetting to actually make time for myself. I started to build my boundaries. Maybe at first it was out of spite but after awhile, it was more for a love of self. I just started saying no. No to dinners or out of town trips, or events where I knew would just leave me depleted both emotionally and financially.

I didn’t have enough to give of myself. I needed to refill my jar.

I started asking questions like how do I actually love myself? How can I take care of myself? It’s a years-long conversation but one that started with:

Eating First

One time, I told my coworker that I don’t eat breakfast and she was genuinely horrified. “Why?! Do you hate yourself???” she asked.

I often remember that question when I skip breakfast.

I tell myself, “No. I love myself so I should feed myself.”

Even if I wake up late, the very first thing I start to do is to eat. I can’t make good decisions on an empty stomach and I need the energy to do whatever was on my to-do list. No rushing, eat first. It’s never perfect, some days I do still rush to work but I’ll try to come up with solutions like making overnight oat jars, sandwiches or quick grab and go meals I can eat in our break room before my shift starts.

These days I only gave myself a goal of waking up 30 minutes earlier than I usually do so I can make time for breakfast. On days when I’m not working, I make sure I eat a meal before I go to any appointments or classes.

Seasons

The second thing I did was to identify my seasons. I had observed that come winter time, when November sets in, I start becoming more introverted. My body would start to slow down and want to hibernate but I didn’t honour that before. I would still feel pressured into hanging out with people even when I wanted to stay indoors and cozy up.

I identified certain months as my indoor life. Even my birthdays have been recently celebrated in relative quiet. Just at home, just with family.

I read Kendra Adachi’s book, The Plan, and listened to her podcast. She talks about time management but centred it on the fact that we are women who live a different cycle than this world that’s been set-up for a type of productivity we just aren’t attuned to. She talks a lot about seasons and microseasons and it has helped me to plan my life around this and not feel rushed nor dictate my life like it should be optimized for maximum profit.

Annual Themes

Every start of the year, I’ll have a theme, a word or just an intention that reflects what I want to focus on. I don’t even make a plan or figure out how to go about it.

In 2024 I had this funny goal of “looks-maxxing” not in the Clavicular way but in the sense that I wanted to be in tune with my style. Nothing quite happened in 2025 but the seeds were planted. I told myself I would get the hairstyle I’ve always wanted since I was 11. I grew my hair long and got a hair treatment and a HIME CUT!!! I started wearing the clothes I used to wear in my tweens–wide leg pants and cropped tops (which we used to call elephant pants and hanging or heaven tops.)

I style my hair in space buns or braids some days and went back to wearing accessories. I’ve come back to my teenaged self who either wore sporty, preppy, or edgy with a little bit of goth details. Here I am in 2026 and while I loved the different versions of me, I am at my most comfortable in terms of style.

In 2025, my word was Stability. That meant staying in a job long enough to have some sort of financial peace. It was saying no to costly international trips. Saying no to concerts, to frequent expensive dinners. I didn’t go on a big vacation last year but focused on enjoying where I was. Though I think it kind of messed with my head a bit because as an immigrant and POC I always need to go out of the country to keep my sanity and remind myself I am good enough and worthy.

But it did give me a good sense of control and allowed me to raise those boundaries.

This 2026, I only had one word, Health. I put in the work with countless appointments, blood tests and now I have a nurse practictioner, a specialist, and a diet clinic.

Because I only gave myself one intention every year, I didn’t feel overwhelmed. One intention snowballed into little actions. These three intentions now overlap and actually created this synergy of me getting into better shape, looking better, and feeling better.

Standing Plans

Lastly, I made a weekly standing plan for myself. Because I’m off on Mondays, I made sure to have an activity I liked to do on that day. So, last January I went back to playing Tennis. I enrolled in a class and decided that Mondays were officially for tennis. If I felt like it I’d stop by at my favourite cafe in the area and journal while eating a parfait.

Then I’d go home, or I could choose to squeeze in a quick meet-up with a friend. But I always make sure that I have that one day to myself.

In the summer time, I switch to swim classes. Maybe I’ll stop by the library or do the groceries. But my day will always start with a swim and everything runs around it. Want to see me on a Monday? After my swim class. There is no cancelling on myself or moving schedules for someone else’s. Any appointments are scheduled before or after my classes. My standing plans were also attuned to my seasons.

That’s pretty much it. I’ve been living “quietly” since 2025, trying to pare down my social activities and ensuring I put myself first in a non-indulgent, reckless way but in a more sustainable and nurturing way. Like the way you’d raise a child. Ah, yes I have been treating myself as if I were my own kid. “What should Astrid’s activities be for summer? What should she eat today? Have I made her lunch?”

I wanted to raise her with as much attention to details rather than just broad strokes. My eight year old self is feeling a little more secure these days.