I should have gone to my swim class. I did not.

I should have gotten my labs done. I did not.

And so I sit on the couch and lounge around, scrolling, scrolling until I decide I’d listen to a podcast, put away the clean dishes and eat a proper meal.

All this time, I was haunted by the small guilt about not doing my “routine.”

But who would punish me?

I could still get my labs done within the week or the next. And I already know how to swim, I can just go to the pool another time and do the drills my coach usually assigns us.

Why was I punishing myself with these little worries? I was feeling sluggish, barely out of my PMS. I was just listening to my body! I tell myself. I could give myself an “absence allowance,” I could give myself some grace!

All is well now though. I have expressed my worries and done my laundry. I’ve folded the clean shirts I plan on wearing throughout the work week. The chicken thighs are now deep in the lemongrass marinade. I’ve brewed a calming tea made of jujube, goji berries, ginger and apples.

The sky is clear, and the gardens are blooming. I have slowly weeded out our backyard and my hydrangea now blooms. The patio will be cleaned out in time. And tomorrow? Well, despite my gloomy mood and reluctance to go back to work, I do have four hours of apple picking as part of our community volunteering program.

Maybe a little sun and dirt will do me good.